Finding a way to love….
While the world is beginning to heave and sigh through the burdens subtly imposed on it, the fault lines are beginning to crack.
The various ‘isms’ (racism, sexism, classism, casteism, ageism etc) are ever-present fault-lines. They have been in the system for ages, erupting at various times throughout history. For how many more generations will this continue to be this way? How much more destruction do we and our future generations have to face whenever these fault lines give way? How much more physical and psychological oppression do we and future generations have to face while these fault lines continue to exist? Can they ever be healed?
These are a few questions that I woke up with today morning. And the answer while I sat in front of a blank sheet of paper was that ‘yes, they can be healed’ – they can be healed to the extent as to be declared as dormant volcanoes which never erupt any more.
What needs to happen to heal?
WE CANNOT CHANGE AT THE SAME LEVEL OF CONSCIOUSNESS….
We have to keep raising our level of consciousness; we have to keep evolving – we have to keep shifting the underlying currents – not through hatred and war (which are the manifestations of the underlying currents) but go deeper through kindness and a healing touch.
We cannot change at the same level of consciousness that created the problem in the first place.
A simple shift in consciousness right now is the understanding of the words ‘privilege’ and ‘inter-dependence’. When we begin using both in the same breath, we already know the current is shifting.
A PEEK INTO PRIVILEGE
I am brown-skin (belong to BIPOC category) and have enjoyed multiple privileges in my life but what I have not enjoyed is the ‘white privilege’ and the ‘male privilege’. So, the fault lines I have experienced are racism and sexism, not in a violent manner but in subtle manners eg
“Ma’am, it is random – can we do a full body check on you”. One of my privileges is that I have travelled around the world a lot. The fault line is where I have resigned to the fact that I will be the one chosen for a ‘random full body’ check in most airports.
“You don’t need a salary hike. Your husband makes a lot of money”. One of my privileges is that I am a woman. The fault line is professional conversation where your worth is based not on the work you do but on your male spouse’s ability to provide for you.
“Let’s face it. Westerners just know so much more about leadership than Asians do.” When asked to explain what these Westerners look like, it’s “White and elderly”.
“We are about equal opportunities. But our leadership team is all male and they would really prefer a male coach, preferably (white) foreigner (to get a diverse view)”.
“Our leadership team is all European and we would like to opt for a European coach, who will probably understand us better” What does European look like? “Oh, gender does not matter”. Color of skin? “Doesn’t matter but aren’t most European coaches, white?”
When these ‘subtle’ biases hijack a person or a collective community / nation, it results in what we are experiencing today.
LOOK WITHIN FOR GROWTH
If you have come across me in-person or virtually, you will know that I speak very openly about privilege (mostly ‘white privilege’, ‘male privilege’ and ‘proximity privilege’); Why? Because most of us don’t know what to do with it, if we have it; And we don’t know how to deal with it when we don’t have it.
Instead of couching privilege under shame or guilt, I truly believe we all individually need to own up to our privilege and use that more skillfully. That will be possible only if we also own up to our own deep-set biases. That is the only way we can shift consciousness.
I hail from a country (India) where the color of the skin (let’s call it various shades of brown) takes centerstage right from the time you are born.
Fair (ie light-skin) is good, dark (ie dark-skin) is not so good. Do we call that racism? Not necessarily.
LET’S ALL DO A QUICK TEST….
Have you ever thought of yourself as superior to another person who is darker skinned than you?
Have you ever experienced preferential treatment over another because of the color of your skin? If yes, what were your thoughts at that point in time?
Have you ever remained silent when you noticed racism?
Have you ever noticed racism? [If your answer is no, you are probably not noticing much, my friend].
Have you ever noticed your thoughts getting influenced by the color of the other person’s skin or race ?
Have you ever had misgivings when a dark(er) skinned family or another race / caste / religion moved in next door?
Have you ever hoped that your daughter / son marries a light(er) skinned person?
If the answer to any or all of the above is ‘yes’, I would highly encourage you not to label yourself racist and spiral into guilt.
After all, it is the age-old conditioning that we have experienced where white is considered ‘pure’ and ‘pristine’ and black is considered ‘lurking with danger’.
Hell, even my favorite Star Wars depicts Darth Vader in all black!
Let’s:
- Own up to our ‘privilege‘ (when we enjoy an advantage that we have not had to work for)
- Educate ourselves – recognise our own biases or discomfort without shame (a quick test is already above)
- Start melting or uprooting those one by one
- Only then can we use our privilege skilfully in service…. and truly stand up and stand in for each other
We all need to get into right relationships with ourselves in this lifetime (we owe it to ourselves first).
SO, WHERE DOES INTER-DEPENDENCE COME INTO PICTURE
Inter-dependence for me is the fact that everybody is equally important – not necessarily equal. We may not be equal in strength, we may not be equal in beauty, we may not be equal in status, money, intelligence, power etc. But we are all equally important for the eco-system and for humanity to thrive.
Let’s look for the uniqueness in every person, let’s look for the beauty in every person and we will automatically find a way to love.
Maybe we can start with that?
Being in the coaching profession, specifically in shaping organization culture, mindset and beliefs play a large part in authenticity and how we behave – whether we are in coherence with our conscious and subconscious.
I consider it our duty to continue to raise awareness around topics that may seem controversial but important, nonetheless. We are also learning through listening and through conversation and it is increasingly being revealed to us that we have work to do personally and collectively in order to better serve our world.
If you would like to share your views personally with me or start a conversation, please reach out to me at ruma.biswas@progressu.com
