Leadership often begins with control. We grow up believing that being in control means being responsible and effective. While control has its place, it can become toxic when overused. This realization led me on a journey from control to a more profound approach: relational leadership.
Understanding Control
Control gives us a sense of safety and order. It’s the foundation of our early leadership experiences. We start with the belief that if we control everything, we can ensure success. However, over time, this approach can become toxic, manifesting through shaming, blaming, and micromanaging.
In our discussions, we explored practices for healthy control, like setting clear boundaries and intentions. But as we grow, we realize that control isn’t enough. This awareness sparks a transition to relational leadership.
The Spark of Awareness
Relational leadership begins with a simple yet profound realization: “I can’t do it all alone.” It’s about acknowledging that success isn’t solely about individual effort but about interdependence. This shift requires us to move from a mindset of control to one of connection and collaboration.
The Laws of Relational Leadership
Understanding and embracing the laws of relational leadership is crucial. One key law is: “I am right, and so is the other person, but only partially.” This law reminds us that no one is 100% right, fostering humility and openness in our interactions.
Another foundational concept is interdependence. It’s not about being equal in power but equally important. Each person in a relationship brings unique value, and recognizing this creates a balanced dynamic.
Skills for Relational Leadership
Two essential skills for relational leadership are listening and inquiry. Listening goes beyond just hearing words; it involves tuning into the changes in rhythm within a relationship. It’s about understanding the unspoken dynamics and emotions that influence interactions.
Inquiry, on the other hand, is about seeking understanding with a mindset that “I don’t know everything.” It encourages curiosity and openness, allowing us to learn and grow from our relationships.
The Path to Co-Creation
The ultimate goal of relational leadership is co-creation. When we base our leadership on interdependence and embrace listening and inquiry, we can co-create solutions and innovations with our teams. This collaborative approach leads to more sustainable and effective outcomes.
Conclusion
Relational leadership isn’t about losing control; it’s about finding a more profound and sustainable way to lead. It’s about creating environments where everyone feels valued and empowered to contribute their best. As we continue to grow in this journey, we can transform our teams and organizations, leading to greater success and fulfillment.
