We often hear leaders talking about being lonely at the top – it is true to a large extent. And yet there is a clear distinction between being lonely and being alone at the top.
In our personal relationships, many of us crave this alone time – it is often a time to introspect, a time to take care of ourselves, and a time to enjoy solitude.
Similarly, having alone time as a leader is typically when the leader goes for a retreat or has reflection time usually during coaching sessions. Reflections are a big part of self-connection with the leadership within.
Alone at the top can also mean there are not many like her/him, with similar world views, similar visions, and similar paces. It also refers to the fact that all aspects can’t be shared with others. There are things that a leader at the top has to deal with … alone.
And that is when there is a danger of self-isolation.
Loneliness, on the other hand, is a far too familiar an experience for many, when we dive into mindless activities or stretch our work unnecessarily to fill up our time; or try and stay connected with meaningless relationships lest we feel the often-debilitating emotions of loneliness. And despite all these, we feel empty, disconnected, and even more lonely.
Being alone at the top can often be a boon that can be turned into deeper connections and impactful relationships. Lonely at the top means it is time to (re)connect with self and with others. It is a time to be seen, to be understood, and to be acknowledged as a leader – it is a time to focus on your relationships and connections.
When I say my work is about Relational Coaching, it is in part about helping to move away from self and collective isolating experiences, it is about emerging and seeking connection with the larger system even though it feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable; it is about enriching our decisions and leadership impact through these connections.
After all, “leadership is a contact sport” (Quote: Marshall Goldsmith).
Contact me for a conversation about the importance of Relationship Systems in Leadership.
