Control is a concept ingrained in us from a young age. We’re taught that control is synonymous with being an adult, bringing with it a sense of safety and security. This association makes control seem desirable, even glorified. But not all control is beneficial. There is a stark difference between healthy control and toxic control, and understanding this difference is crucial for effective leadership.
The Allure of Control
Control makes us feel safe. An adult who controls their emotions and actions is seen as reliable and competent. This sense of control extends into our professional lives, where being in control often equates to being in charge and successful. In many ways, control provides structure and predictability, which are essential in leadership.
The Toxic Side of Control
However, control has a darker side. Toxic control is often invisible but profoundly damaging. It manifests through shaming, blaming, and belittling others. This type of control disrupts relationships and creates a hostile work environment. For example, telling someone they should be ashamed of their actions or blaming a team member for a project’s failure are common yet harmful practices.
Recognizing and Addressing Toxic Control
Recognizing toxic control is the first step toward addressing it. Here are some strategies to shift from toxic to healthy control:
1. Design Conversations Consciously: Set clear norms and expectations for interactions. Avoid language that shames or blames.
2. Establish Team Norms: Agree on acceptable behaviors and communication styles within your team. Make these norms explicit to ensure everyone is on the same page.
3. Name Your Emotions: Identify and express your emotions openly. This practice fosters honesty and reduces misunderstandings.
4. Believe in Yourself: Develop self-confidence and comfort in your own skin. This inner strength diminishes the need to control others toxically.
5. Create a Rhythm: Establish routines that bring stability and predictability to your life, reducing the need for control.
The Path Forward
In conclusion, while control is an essential aspect of leadership, it is crucial to distinguish between its healthy and toxic forms. Embracing healthy control can lead to more effective and compassionate leadership, enhancing both personal and professional relationships.
