In my experience as a leadership coach, I’ve come to identify three pivotal stages of leadership: Control, Relational, and Sacred. Today, let’s delve into the first stage—Control—and explore its nuances and implications.
Stage 1: Control
From an early age, we are ingrained with the concept of control. “Control your emotions,” “control what you say,” and “control your desires”—these are familiar refrains that shape our development. As we step into the professional world, this need for control expands to managing teams, clients, and situations.
Control, in its essence, isn’t inherently negative. It provides structure and predictability, crucial elements in many aspects of leadership. However, over-reliance on control can lead to unforeseen consequences, particularly in complex scenarios involving people and relationships.
The Double-Edged Sword of Control
Control, when applied in small doses, can be effective. It creates an illusion of order and mastery. But as we face more significant and intricate challenges, such as managing team dynamics or resolving conflicts, the limits of control become apparent. The more we strive to control, the more elusive true control becomes.
Consider the wisdom shared by Elizabeth Gilbert: “You’re afraid of surrender because you don’t want to lose control, but you never had control. You only had anxiety.” This quote resonates deeply with my experiences in coaching. Control can often mask underlying anxieties, giving a false sense of security.
Awareness and Balance
Awareness is key to navigating the complexities of control. Our bodies often signal when we’re over-exerting control—tightened shoulders, clenched fists, held breaths. These physical cues are invaluable in identifying moments when control is taking over. By tuning into these signals, we can pause and ask ourselves critical questions: What am I trying to control? Why? What do I hope to achieve?
Furthermore, understanding the link between control and the desire for glory can provide deeper insights. Control often stems from a need to appear competent and successful. Acknowledging this can help us reframe our approach, moving from a control-oriented mindset to one that embraces flexibility and trust.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while control is an essential aspect of leadership, it is not a panacea. Recognizing its limitations and learning to balance control with letting go can lead to more effective and authentic leadership. As we explore the subsequent stages—Relational and Sacred—we will uncover further dimensions of leadership that can enrich our journey.
Stay tuned for the next installment, where we will delve into the Relational stage of leadership. Let’s continue this journey of growth and discovery together towards spherical or holistic leadership.
